[♪♪♪] ♪ come on, baby it's your typical every day ♪ goodbye, calculus. [people cheering] i don't need you any more. never did, never will. it feels so goodto purge. try it. come on...
what are you holding onto? whoa, whoa, whoa! sophomore year home ec?you need that? yeah. this has the world famousblueberry crumble recipe. and you never knowwhen you might need a deliciousblueberry crumble. two pints blueberry, one cup flour-- three cups of sugar?
oh, no wonder it tastedso perfect. okay, sir, we'll haveyour order out by monday. thank you. can you please talkto mom and dad? they won't stop texting me about how you're notgoing to dinner tonight. uh, well,i'm helping sarah out. she's having a dinner party,and i'm meeting her friends. and you made that?
hey, relax. they'll love it. better hope so. these are the people you'llbe going to brunch with, watching bad reality tv with, be on-- ooh--group email chains with. how's your reply-all game? really strong. good, because dr. sarahis way out of your league.
hey, we're firmlyin the same league. mm, you work for your parents making children's jerseys, she works for a hospitalsaving children's lives. better bring your a game. oh, you look nice. you have a date? ah, no. i am just getting drinkswith a friend.
heh, okay. well, that'sa pretty hot dress, so it must bea pretty lucky friend. um, it's-it's carl. carl? yeah... carl, like your ex, carl? like who's marryingyour super good friend, carl? that carl?
yes. well, whose idea was this?what do you think he wants? i don't know, he calledand it was very vague, but he just said he wantedto talk about some things, so... a guy calls up his ex right before his wedding? yeah, i think we knowhow this story ends. come on, no, i'm stillfriends with allison. oh, my god, what ifhe and allison broke up
and that's whyhe wants to meet up? what would you do then? then? i don't know. okay, well, are yougonna wear false lashes? what does thathave to do with anything? fake lashes send a message,it says, i'm down if you're down. that's what one of the blondetwins on the bachelor says. i'll be back by 10.
'kay. i'll try not to interruptpizza and chill with mark. oh, don't worry about it.pizza and chill turned into like an i'll pick you upat eight thing, so... whoa, a date. no, it's not a date. i don't date. okay, well, i think that's--i think it's cool. he clearly really likes you.
well, regardless,this isn't a date. it doesn't matter how he feels. have fun on your date.i'll see you later. joanna, that is very rude. this is not a date. yo. yo! you're nice and early. you look beautiful.
mm, thank you. ah, what's this? rhinorrhea? runny nose in latin. they're for charades tonight. ohh, nerd alert. excuse me, mister. you are dating a nerd,a competitive one. and charades is my jam, soi expect us to win big tonight.
so don't embarrass us. oh-ho, i did not come hereto make friends. i mean, i did come hereto make friends, but we will destroy anyonewho tries to stop us. yeah. and then we'll make them eatmy legendary blueberry crumble. aw, thank you. don't be offended, but allmy friends eat really clean.
no sugar, no carbs, really. so... i'll just... put this in the fridge. okay. so tonight's all doctors? yeah, most of my friendsare from the hospital. am i underdressed? actually, remember that storewe passed on la brea? oh...
ta-da! hey, you didn't haveto do that. well, i saw it, and thought it would look greaton that hot bod. oh, this hot bod? mm-hm, that's the one. heh. wow... i have to set up still, but, um, if you wanna wearthat sweater, totally cool.
you want me to wearthis sweater tonight? i'm so gladyou picked up on that. heh, hey! hey, you! oh, it's been a while. oh, i know, i'm sorry we haven't talkedin a long time. so... how have you been?
good. um, you know, i just, i needed a break,so i moved back here. you know, i just gota great apartment. oh, that's great. just kinda tryin' to figure outwhat's next. thanks for callin' me back. uh, i know i was pretty vague over the phone,
but it was important,and, you know, we wanted to ask youthis question in person. me? jojo? oh, my god!so sorry i'm late. wow, it's good to see you. oh, i love the lashes. oh, hi. hi.
wow, i-- i didn't knowyou were coming. oh, wedding plan stuff,you know. so did you ask her yet? i was just about to. oh. ask-ask me what? well, sinceyou introduced us, we were wondering if youwould sing at our wedding? wow. please say yes.
wow, i--you know, i've never sung at a wedding before. but you're so good. i remember those karaokenights in singapore. i don't-- i don't know. please. i mean, it would really meana lot to us. so much. okay? okay, yeah.
really? yes? oh, you'regonna be so amazing. what, well, let's toast. get some champagne, right? great. carl:how was the cake tasting,by the way? they're gonna love you.just be yourself, don't talk politics, and askabout work, they love that. it's startingto feel like a test. relax, i just want itto go well.
hey, and later tonight, i say we dominate themin flip cup. it's not that kindof party, peter. oh. hey, come meet my co-workerjessie and her husband rob. hey, guys. rob: yo. jessie: hi. this is peter, my boyfriend.
hi, peter, i'm jessie.this is my husband rob. how are ya? nice to meet you guys. nice to meet you too. jessie and robjust had a baby. oh, that's so great. boy or a girl? oh, we're gonna let himor her decide. yeah, it'sthe right thing to do.
obviously. wow, so doctorsand parents? how do you do it? they're my heroes. oh, heh. a lot of teamworkand a lot of coffee. coffee,so much coffee. [polite laughter] rob:how about you, peter?
oh, i'm inthe family business. yeah. printing for apparel,printing on apparels. fashion,that's super exciting. mm-hm. uh, heh, it's notthe fashion you're thinking. oh, peter'sbeing modest. he actuallyruns his own company, and has a lotof great clients. it's actuallymy parents' company.
well, we're gonnago get refills. why did youundersell yourself? well, it's not likewe're versace. i mean, our last clients was the toluca lakefighting scorpions, and i don't think an under-7soccer team is that impressive. not when you say itlike that. how would you say it? i do the apparel brandingfor l.a. sports teams.
that does sound better. [chuckles] [doorbell rings] i'll go get that.be right back. [sighs] hey, fellas, how you doin'? how's it goin'? good, good. yeah, i wasjust congratulating mike
on his new fellowship. neurovascular surgery is a bitch. [all chuckle] pediatric cardiovascular'sa little bit tougher. ooh. is that,like, tiny hearts? sick tiny hearts. oh, excuse me.
hey, jo, what's up? joanna [on phone]: um, been kind of a weird day. can you meet me for a drink? i wish, but i'mat sarah's with her friends. oh, i'm sorryto bother you. no, please bother me. i can't talk aboutany more tiny sick hearts. tell me about it. hey, why don't youcome over here?
[shudders]wow. you look hot. thank you so much. that's for you. that's from my front yard? oh, no, why would you--yes, it is actually. you have very thorny bushesout there, so... okay, thanks. well, i justneed a couple minutes to finish contouring--i watched a youtube tutorial.
okay. well, i mean,our reservation's in 20 minutes, so we shouldprobably leave... now. okay, i'm rushing... what's the place? it's this swanky restaurant. it's called chryst-jal's. i don't know if that'spronounced right. it's a soft-j.
um, anyways,critics are crazy about it. but what about the peoplewho really matter? surely, you yelped it. yeah. no, it'sfour and a half stars, which is basicallyalmost five, and they say it's really... romantic. can i see? you wanna--you wanna see the--?
chryst-jal's yeah. oh, no. that girl looks whack.i don't want her to be there. i may need you to justfind another restaurant. please. n-- now? yep, thanks so much. hey, so gladyou could make it. thanks, i have--i brought you something.
oh, you didn'thave to. oh, wow,a half empty bottle. half full.and in my belly. hey, thanks forletting her come by. yeah.um, is she okay? she seems wasted. yeah, i thinkshe's had a rough night. and she called you? yeah, we'rereally good friends.
i'm gonnago get her some water. [fusion jazz musicplaying over speakers] this tastes watery. because it's water. hey, what happened? mm, i don't wanna talkabout it. i just wanna hang out. all right, well,but i gotta put in some more boyfriend time.
okay, well,then i will go mingle. um, oh, what'swith the sweater? hey, i'm joanna. rob: hey. hey, i'm rob. jessie. hey, she's fine. you won't even knowshe's here. doctors, god. the health care overseasis so superior, don't you think?
do i think that? jessie:no, i don't, actually. where did you park? uh, down this way, a few blocks. no, no, no, no, no.my heels, they hurt. let's take an uber. ah... okay, but we really can't missanother reservation. you know what, i havethis discount code with lyft.
we'll just use that. no, pink light-up mustaches? discounts? vomit. heh, okay, we'll do a--we'll do an uber. okay, but i only douber black, because of the water bottlesand the mints. i have mints. nobody likesyour fruity mints. you take that back.
nope. you just had one. i didn't like it. heh. uber black it is. oh, gosh, i justdropped a contact. ugh. i need to go inside and popanother one back in. sorry. where is-- wait, you told meyou got lasik. i could only afford one eye.
you know that teachersare underpaid and underappreciated, right? wait, what are you do-- it'll just take me a couple minutes. our uber driver's-- like 30. he's gonna be here in five min-- thirty?
subway sells them. okay... a philadelphia staple... joanna: you're not getting this! time's a tickin', you guys! [overlapping dialogue] ...watercraft,but it doesn't go in the water. joanna:three, two, one... [joanna makes buzzer sound]
no, it-- it's food, sweetie. god, it was hoagie ,obviously. rob:oh, hoagie.we'll get it next time. you and sarah. joanna:good luck... sarah:let's do this. sarah:it's an event that could happen. sarah: biblical times. peter: television.
no, it's the terrible movie. transformers? explosions, and a horrible song. and that white guy,he's older now-- you gotta be more specific,sarah, come on. first movie thatever made you cry. armageddon! joanna: that's the one. mm! yeah!
whoo! you guys are justnot good. you're just not that good,for doctors. like, it's pretty funny,actually. like... peter, quick sec, okay? everyone, cheers.cheers, cheers, cheers, cheers. i think she's gettinga little out of hand. really? she's justplaying the game. she's at a 10,and everyone here's at a 4.
right, i hear you. um, how about we switch gamesand move on to your favorite? charades. we'll have a fun night,then we'll kick everyone out so it's just you and me. i'd like that. joanna:peter, come back! peter! let's go.
peter:man, here we go,time for charades. nice. uh, i wanna go first. i got this. okay... wait... what are, heh,all these words? what? we playmedical charades. oh, wow,she's not kidding. okay, i'm gonna sitthis one out, heh.
i'll go. yeah, all right. joanna: scottay. rob: here he goes. uh, okay, uh... rob: cold or fever. joanna: laryngitis. typhoid fever! in latin?
salmonella typhi. man: yes! woman 1: wow! woman 2: very nice. sweet. salmonella typhi.that's, uh-- that was fun, everyone.latin charades. but, um, how aboutlike a drinking game, you know? oh, i've got--i gotta drive.
joanna:you work so hard. you know, you deserve this,loosen up, you're savin' lives,like you earned it, yeah? [tepid overlapping responses] joanna: yeah? yeah? all right, i got it. ahem. okay, it'll be, uh, never have i ever. man: oh.
we will start with...you. ah... phrrm, okay.uh, let me think. jessie:never have i ever... gotten inthe 10 items only line with an extra item. joanna: what? jessie:oh, wow.wait, all of you? really? joanna: mm-hm. i'll go. all right.
um, never have i ever... done it on a plane. ohh... [laughs] all [surprised]:oh! we've never had sexon a plane. it was before i met you. what's that? it was-- it was--
with who? it's none of yourbusiness. it's not-- what do you mean,let's not make it my business? are you serious? can we talk aboutthis somewhere else? yeah, we will. like not here. my turn.uh, never have i ever had a few drinksbefore operating.
[groans] joanna: wow, you guys are bad. it was a tonsillectomy.i could do it in my sleep. jessie: you're gross. rob: and he probably has. that's terrible.that's so bad. okay. mm... never have i ever... had a guy pick me outon a dating app,
who turned out to be the sweetest, greatest boyfriendi've ever had. aw. jessie: that was cute. [kisses] hey, you're not supposed to say somethingthat you've done. oops, i broke a rule, heh. peter:it's okay, joanna.
okay, well, um, if that'show we're playing, then... uh, never have i ever... only been on horrible dates since i've been back in l.a. and, um, never have i ever... regretted my decisionto come back home. [glass shatters] [crowd gasps] peter: dear god.
sarah: jesus. [bottle and glassthump on table] never have i ever been so embarrassedand felt like such an idiot. joanna-- peter, you clean this up, and i'll make sure she's notbreaking anything else. [peter sighs] [sobbing]
oh, sarah,i'm so sorry. i've beensuch a mess tonight, and now i'm breaking things. and don't hate me.i'm sorry. it's okay. why don't you tell mewhat happened tonight, sweetie. i just hada nightmare of a date. it's okay... we've all had bad dates.
it wasn'teven really a date, it's just beensort of really, crazy few months. you know, carl got engaged, and peterand i made this pact to get married. what? oh, no, i'm--uh, we-- it was just, you know,to get us back out there,
and it was a good thing. um, you know, likewe got on apps together, and thenwe switched accounts, and i picked you, and i went on this... so peterdidn't choose me? i should've giventhat todd guy another chance. i'm realizingthat was stupid. [people chattering]
hey, how is she? oh, she's super great. you guys have a pactto get married? during her sob sessionin my bedroom, she said you have a planto get married. oh, and then she said that you didn't evenpick me on the app. she chose me? listen, the pact wasjust a way for us
to get out thereand meet someone special. and it worked,i found you. no. joanna found me, the girl you're supposedto marry found me. maybe we shouldn'ttalk about this right now. my friendshave seen worse tonight. i don't even know how you're gonna get outof this hole with a... whoa.i've tried really hard.
hey, look,i put on this itchy sweater, i made a dessertthat no one's gonna eat-- hey, i thinki'm gonna go home. great. see ya. i need to make sureshe gets home. fine, get her an uber. i'll just get my things. how about this?i'll take her home, and-and-and you cansay goodbye to your friends,
and i'll come right backand we can talk about it? oh, great.i'll go tell my friends that my boyfriend took the girlhe's supposed to marry home. why is thissuch a big deal? because you're choosingher over me. i'm supposedto be your girlfriend. you are,but she's an old friend. that's all. then call her an uber.
i'll kick my friends out,and we can move on. i'm gonna take her home,and i'll come right back. [closes door] just one second. okay, canter's deliis open-- that is, if the photosmeet your standards. yeah, i just--i get really nervous about how long they leavetheir pickles out for. okay, what'syour deal, chloe?
wh-why don't you wantto go on a date with me? because if we goon a date, then that meansi like you. you like me? and if we sitacross from each other at a real restaurant,like staring into each other'sgoogly eyes, it's like a real date, and thatscares the hell out of me. chloe, i--
i like you, too. i got an idea. peter:okay, home sweet home. all right... all right. peter... you're the best. hey, let me get yousome water, okay?
good night. [object thumps, glass shatters] peter:hey, what are you doing? getting rid of everythingthat reminds me of carl. carl? your ex, carl? [joanna talkingto herself indistinctly] whoa, whoa, whoa.did you see carl today? yeah, he calledand wanted to meet up. oh, hey, hey, hey,let's not burn anything in here.
come on, hey, hey--hey! come on, come on. hey,i don't want to be the pact policeor anything, but... i thought we weren'tgonna talk to our exes. i mean, what--what happened? why did you see carl? carl, he called me, and i just,
i thought maybehe still had feelings for me, and i... just wantedto feel wanted by someone, you know? it turns out thatit's not the case. [cell phone vibrating] oh, damn it. i gotta take this,it's sarah. hey! i'm sorry,i'm leavin' right now. mark:see, look, isn't this great?
we don't haveto look at each other from across the table, uh, becausethere are no tables. bacon-wrappedmystery meat on the sideof a polluted road from a man--? [sighs]we don't know his credentials. this is the most romantic thinganybody's ever done for me. i know,i know how to pick 'em, and this--oh, we're kissing? okay.
could i get two, please? everything all right? looks like sarah and iare done. this is all my fault.i'm so sorry. don't worry. i mean, it wasyour fault, but... honestly, i had a feelingwe were over by the timewe left her house. yeah, you should try it.
it feels pretty good. come on. i wish i could burnmy memories from tonight. did i really break that vase? that wasn't a dream? oh yeah, you broke it. probably would've beenmore of a nightmare. well, cut me some slack. like, not only did that
whole thing happen with carl, but then he asked meto sing at his wedding. what did you say? i said yes. i don't knowwhat i was thinking, but... i re-- i don't knowif i can do it. you know,part of the whole pact is to, like, help each other outwith this stuff. [scoffs]no, no... come on, peter, we're bothback at square one now.
there's gonna be lotsof single people... it's like a good placeto meet someone. i don't know, joanna, just... look, it wouldreally mean a lot to me.
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