[muffler rattling] nice muffler! we shoulddefinitely begetting a ride. right here isthe best spot. this is cool. hitchhiking. it's, like,in kerouac,you know? kerouac? jack kerouac.
he wroteon the road. kim, we've beenreading it inenglish class for the last 2 weeks.where've you been? all we ever doin that class is read. ooh, ooh, ooh! stick outyour thumb, would ya? we're so sheltered,you know? there's this wholeother americaout there. and the personwho picks us upcould be an artist or a psychicor an escaped felon.
it's so exciting. ok, one thingthat helps... point your boobstowards the road. redneck! oops...i mean... cool guy.come on! hey. drop us as closeto the corner of wilson and elmas you can. hi, i'm lindsay.
this is kim. so, are you fromaround these parts? 1210 lilac terrace. oh. so what do you do? you pick uphitchhikers a lot? listeni know you. i buy gear fromyour dad's store. i don't think you girlsshould be doin' this,
and i feel obligedto tell himwhat you're up to. captioning made possible bydreamworks television l.l.c. i don't give a damn'bout my reputation livin' in the past,it's a new generation go and dowhat you want to do and that's whati'm gonna do and i don't give a damn'bout my bad reputation oh, no, no, no,no, no, no, no not me
whah! no! no, no, no, no,no, no, no me,me, me, me 've never been afraidof any deviation and i don't really careif you think i'm strange i ain't gonna change and i never gonna care'bout my bad reputation ot me! this...the thumb?
do you think i don'tknow what that means? i know, lindsay. it means, "hey, stranger, "please lock me in your car, drive me to god knows whereand murder me." dad, you'reoverreacting. lindsay, i will not havemy daughter hopping into cars like somewoman of the night. you could have beenpicked up by ted bundy.
dad, kim does itall the time. don't be sooverdramatic. what, her parentslet her hitchhike? oh, i don't know. i bet she doesn'teven have parents. of course she does,dad. mom, you talkedto her momon the phone. well, maybe we shouldmeet her. i used to know allyour friends' parents.
you know... we should invite herover for dinner. get acquainted. yeah. mom, no. please? yeah, well, i thinkshe oughta know what a bad influenceher daughter is, don't you? all right, guys, let's playa little softball.
pick your team, gents. oh, man, here we go. i've got lewis. got humphries. athcliff. shawn!pick me. um, jeremy. pick me, pick me. winnington.
no...he sucks. mike. i'm good.justin. henry. ok, white. all right, divvy'em up. let's go. come on.let's go. there is no languagein our lungs ttell the worldjust how we feel
no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no bridge of thoughts no mental link no letting outjust what you think lungs, lungs, lungs there is no musclein our tongues tongues, tongues,tongues hey. hey, nick.
how's it goin'? [bell rings] it's goin'. great. it is great. it's neverbeen greater. hey, kim. so...what happenedwith your parents? you, like, grounded?
oh, not exactly. my parents wannameet your mom. what? yeah, they wannaget to know her. shut up. no, i'm serious. they're inviting herover for dinner. could you bequiet, please? class is starting.
today...we are notin a classroom. we are in a coffeehouse. and you are not students. you are beat poets. and we're gonnabe reading aloud. hey, batta-batta-batta. swing, batta-batta-batta. miss! batta-- yeah, i'm really a shortstop.
is that so? hey, they got a meetingon the mound. i wonder whatthey're talkin' about. yeah... must be fascinating. i hate this. this is so unfair. maybe i'm good. they don't know.
maybe i'm unbelievably good. but are they evergonna find out? uh-uh. no. where i can-'cause they neverput me in a position -where i could catcha stupid ball. i hate them. maybe they'rescared of you. come on, ladies. maybe.
[whistling]hey, chuck! look alive out there!come on! let's play some ball. uh-huh. wait. all the teachers'numbers are there? ooh. phone. think we could bearrested for makingprank calls? and we'll get sentyeah.to telephone prison.
oh. ha ha. [ring] [telephone rings] hello? uh, hmm. hello?coach fredricks? yes. this is mr. crisp. gordon crisp'sfather. mr. crisp?
uh, how are you? not good.i want to give youa piece of my mind. i thinkit's very unfair the way you've beenrunning baseballin gym class. you always letthe jock kidsrun the game. now, some kids,like gordon my son, never--neverget a chance 'cause you guysthink he's notvery good. for example,he may wannaplay shortstop,
but, uh, yeah,you never give hima shot. look, i'm sorry,but, uh, you knowi always assumed gordon, uh, didn'thave any interestin sports. you know what i'm sayin'? well, he does. don't judge a bookby its cover. oh, i--i--i, uh, i apologize. all right? i'll rectifythe situationimmediately.
ok, then.thank you very much. good-bye now. all right, bye. gordon crisp! i did it. what did he say? he totallybought i he called memr. crispand everything. fellas, i justchanged our lives.
oh, great. now we're gonnahave to actuallyplay baseball. thanks a lot. i can't waittill tomorrow. you have sucha lovely house. thank you. i had a beautifulhouse once. oh, yeah. up on maple drive.
mmm. then kim's fatherleft me with 2 kids, and a huge mortgageand, well... that's life, huh? i can't imaginehow difficultit must be to raisechildrenby yourself. ohit isn't easy. chip, my oldest, oh,he's a doll. he's got waterin his brain, but,oh, he's a sweet kid.
kim, she'sanother story. yeah, tell us about kim. well she ain'tthe sharpest crayonin the box. she's a bigpain in the neck. and i know she hates mefor being strict... i get worried. of courseyou do. becaus e i don't knowwhat she's doin'out there.
she lies. these girls today,they all lie. she says to me... "imm-hmm. 'm gonna go studyat the library." she goes to a party.she gets loaded. she says she'sseein' a movie... she's foolin' aroundwith some guyin the back of a van. oh, my.
want to knowhow i find out? how? i read her diary. i sneak into her room,and i read it. oh, she won'tdo her homework, but she's got a freakin'novel in there. i have to. it's the only wayi get the truth. and you wannaknow somethin'?
the truth is very scary. because timeshave changed. these girls today... oh, they run wild. [knock on door] so howwas dinner? lindsay, your motherand i don't want youspending any more time with kim kelly.do you understand? no, dad,she's my friend.
i mean, yes,she's not likemillie, but-- no, she's not likemillie, all right. she's as dumbas a crayon. even her ownmother says so. dad, just becausekim's motheris insane-- no, she's not insane,honey, she's practicallya saint. lindsay, do you knowwhat happens when you puta rotten bananain a fruit bowl? all the otherbananas go rotten.
and that's whatkim kelly is:a bad banana. mrs. kelly had somepretty alarming thingsto tell us about kim. like what? that she experiments. with drugs! and boys! is that true, honey? enough said. now, no more kim kelly!
you know,maybe she needsher head shrunk. harold... it's about trust,and frankly... i don't thinki trust her anymore. lindsay's always beenvery honest with us. yeah? well, she told usshe didn't cheat. and we believed her. we ended up with eggon our faces.
does lindsayhave a diary? yeah. i thinki've seen herwriting in it. harold, no! that is herprivate property. i just wanna knowwhat's going on. i had a diarywhen i was little. if my parents hadread it, i would'vebeen furious. it's sucha violation. spooningwith a stranger
in the back seat oa van,that's a violation! she hasn't done that. there's only one wayto know for sure. good night, dear. good night. gotall right, i want crisp. you heard him,crisp, come on. join your team. you wanna playshortstop?
no. no, i like playingback-up right. you sure? yeah, i likeplaying back-up. i can play shortstop. yeah. and, uh, i'mmarried to raquel welch. in my dreams. phillips, your pick. all right,i'm gonna take, uh,not haverchuck. heh heh. funny.
hey! so my mom, like,loved your parents. guess it went all right. yeah, i guess. what did yourparents say? oh, they reallyliked your mom. cool. you know, i'mglad it worked out. and they also said... oh, they're such dorks.
get this. i'm not allowedto hang out with you. it'll blow over. we've just gotto wait it outa while, you know? well, what didthey say about me? i don't know. no, you can tell me. i'm interested. he said you'rea bad banana.
aren't they queer? yeah, what doesthat mean, you know? i don't know. i guesslike a bad influence. well, what else didthey say about me? tell me! kim, i don't know. you're not smart,you do drugs,you have sex... stupid stufflike that. my parentsare morons, kim.
wait. you don'tactually thinkthat i care about what your parentsthink of me, do you? no. of course not. no. lindsay! mueves tu cula. uh, just a minute. en espa}ol. lo siento se}oro'hara,
pero esta hablandocon mi amiga. es importante. la clasees importante,tambien. yo se, pero puedeesterar un momentopor favor. kim! se}orita, ahora. well, i'll talkto you later, right? yeah. sure. lindsay?
why do you keepcalling her name? she's in school,for god's sake. my heartis racing, harold. i don't thinkwe should be doing this. well, look, jean,we wanna find out what's going onin our daughter'slife, don't we? i mean, for allwe know, she couldbecome a junkie or a hooker! harold, she is notgonna become a hooker.
well, everybody'sgot parents, jean. even hookers. remember thattv movie we saw? shh. hurry up. these stamps... i heard the kidsput lsd onthe back of them. are you there, god?it's me, margaret. oh, just the nameof a book. aha! birth controlpills.
our little daughterwith a... sewing kit. [whisping]harold...what? here it is. you got it? well, come on.break it out. maybe we shoulddo this later. now, jean, look... my lunch hour'salmost over.
the store's notgonna run itself. come on, let's go.shh-shh. "warning to all snoops!do not read beyond this page. "if you read on,it's because you have no lifeand nothing better to do "than to pry into mine. "anyone who keepsreading on is cursed and will sufferuntil they die a slowand painful death." woo-oo-oo-oo! real scared. read on!
what's it yabout kim kelly? oh, nothing.just that she thinkskim has, uh... what?well, uh, uh... a different wordfor courage. not...oh. well, does it sayanything about drugs? pot? acid? i don't think so. well,what does it say?
oh, here, here."i'm--i'm sick of living in this claustrophobicsuburban world..." oh, get used to it. "where everyone istrying to fit in. "i feel likei live in a worldof scared robots. "honestly,this is terrible, but 2 of the worst onesare mom and dad." what? what doesthat mean? "they are the mostboring repressed people
on the faceof the entire earth." repressed?i'll repress her. "they say they love eachother, but who knows? "it's probably justpart of their routine. anyway, can robotsreally be in love?" harold, i--i don'tthink we suldbe reading this. yeah--yeah,keep reading. let's see... "their whole life isthis monotonous routine.
"she cooks dinner,practically the samemeal every night. "he comes homebarking at everyonelike a fascist dictator who's scared his..."[chuckles] "who's scaredhis penis will fall off walk all over her. "i love them, but it'snot the life for me. not the life for me. no, thank you." i'll get itin the other room.
the worst would be gettingeaten alive by wolves. from the feet up. it'd be worseif you were, like,a deep-sea diver, and you came uptoo quick and your head,like, exploded. oh, yeah, that's worse.lot of pressure-- you know, you guysare really morbid. kim, you askedthe question. yeah, but i didn'tthink we'd betalking about it for half an hour.hey, guys.
i gotta, uh... go to shop class. i sorta told keni'd meet him there. yeah...you know,come to think of it... i should probablyget going, too. 'cause i gotta go... you know, do drugs... oh, yeah, and have sex. lindsay knowswhat i'm talking about.
oh... is this aboutwhat my parents said? oh! you know what,i told you, lindsay, i don't give what yourparents say about me. well, why are you so mad? well, i do give whatmy friends say about me. i didn't say anything. uh, you sure knowhow to clear a room. is this the bestcereal you've got?
i never eat breakfast. i just have my coffee. before or afteryou shave? don't you have anysugar cereals? not in this house.rots the choppers. hey,ad. oh, hey,dr. schweiber. sam, bill. got your shoes off?
good. so you guys got big plansfor the afternoon? not really. we're gonna makesome phone calls. ix-nay ig-bay outh-may. hey--hey--hey! i speak pig latin,too, you know. who you guys gonna call? mean people.
oh. prank calls, huh? oh, well. boys will be boys. [chuckling]i could tell you somegreat prank call stories. really? all right. just one. we used to pick outa number, and we'd call it overand over and over again. we'd keep askingfor maurice, you know?
we'd call and say,"hello, is maurice there? "hello, is maurice there? hey, is maurice at home?" you got the idea? we'd callfor maurice a lot. we'd call back an hour laterand go, "hello. this ismaurice. any messages?" anyway... just keep it clean,all right? no heavy breathing. ok.see you later,short-stuff.
ok. heavy breathing.that's a good idea. he y, i thoughtyour dad workedduring the day. mmm. sometimeshe comes hometo change his shirt. root canalsmake him sweaty. listen to this.this is gonna be good. [clears throat] bill: fredricks?
you're a turd.a stinky, fat turd. go sniffa jockstrap,you poop-head. you love pattingboys' butts. butt--you butt patter. you're a pervand a loser... and a stinky...turd. who was that? it's, uh, an old friend. oh-ho.
oh, you betterhope he doesn'tfind you out. you know, if the copstrace that... you're so dead. no, if the cops tracethe call, you're dead. who does shethink she is, anyway? let's talk about itfor 4 more hoursand try to find out. oh! and you should'veheard her speaking spanish. "un moment--un moment.kim--kim!" oh, that soundsterrible.
yeah. she thinks she'sthe queen of englandor something. hmm. oh, man! you know, will youget me a stick? i'm gonna killthat dog! gross. i mean,who are they,you know? the great weirsto call me a whoreand a drug addict? well, they didn'tactually call youa whore and a drug addict.
basically, they did. and...i'm notjust some whore,you know? they just can'ttake it that i havesex, you know? they're afraidsome bad man'sgonna come along and soil theirperfect littledaughter. well, you do have sex. well, yeah.with you. yeah, and i'm a bad man. what the hellis that supposedto mean?
if i had somedaughter in high school, i wouldn't want some guycrawlin' all over her. what the hell areyou talking about? i'm just sayingit's not like theydon't have a point. i mean, who wantstheir kid to have sexand do drugs? nobody. you're a jerk. hey, don'tget mad at me. i'm just tryin'to be rational.
are you calling meirrational? because i'll tearyour head off, daniel. i'll tear it off,and i'll throw itover that fence. i'm not sayingi don't love you. i like the wayyou are. you probably justscare the hellout of them. oh. and how am i? you... are a sex-crazeddrug addict.
screw you! hey, come on. i didn'tmean nothin'. i'm just tryin'to spice upthe conversation. sam, you gettinga kickback fromthe fire department? no. mom was the onewho put the candleson the table. ok. i've got somethingspecial for us tonight. ta-da! what the hell?
uh, harold,they're cornish game henwith a plum wine sauce. they're fantastic. what'd you do,put poison ina bird feeder? they're exotic. is it a pigeon? it is not a pigeon. it's a kind of a chicken. jean, you knowwe can afford to buyfully grown chickens. that-a-girl, lindsay.
it's good to try new things. lindsay, watch out! that little miniaturebird of yours istrying to escape! but don't worry! my little chickenwill help him 'cause i'm a bravelittle chicken! i'm the hero, am i not? yes! is that right? that's right.
follow me! we will go!let's take off! whoa! whoo! hey, mom, dad'splaying with his food. well, it's betterthan eating it. just try it. they're delicious. help yourself to mine. i'm gonna gomake a sandwich. yeah, me, too.
sit down. harold, if you'renot gonna eat, help clear the table. that's not my job. oh, but it's mine? you don'trun a storefor 12 hours a day. all right, settle down. don't bother changing yet. oh, great.scoliosis testing again.
shut it. i'veot something seriousto say. i've been getting prankphone calls at my house. now, i know we gota lot of jokers here, a lot of funny guys. let me tell you something. what you're doingis not funny. it's annoying. more importantly,it's illegal.
so i want every oneof you comedians in my officeone at a time. let's go. smooth move,alexander graham bell. read it. ahem. "you...are a turd. a stinky turd." "go sniff a jockstrap,you poop-head."
"hey, fredricks, you lovepatting boys' butts. you love pattingboys' butts." you are a dimwit... and an imbecile. i blow my nose in yourgeneral direction. that's not in there. it isn't? "hey, fredricks, "you love pattingboys' butts.
butt, butt...patter." start it again.make it lower. ha ha ha ha! "you're a perv... "and a loser... and a turd." "go snik a-- go sniff..." sniff?
sniff. "a jockstrap,you poop-head." "youare a turd, "a stinky turd. go sniff a jockstrap,you poop-head." jeez, coach, this is harsh. [imitating william shatner]"you're a perv and a loser you know what?why don't you do spock? all right? go ahead.do leonard nimoy.
low. speak low. "you're a--you're a perv... and a...turd." ok. i've heard enough. , you thinkyou're a comedian, hmm? why don't youtell me a joke? a--a joke? mm-hmm.
come on.gimme somethingto make me laugh. ok. a guy goes into a barwith a pig with a wooden leg. see, i don'tstifle. thinkwe share a similarsense of humor. i didn't do itto be funny. so you did it to,uh, to what? to be educational? it's not fair. ok, you don't understand.
it's not like anyone forgetswho gets picked last. i've always beenpicked last. everyone knows.girls know. and the thing is,i might not be bad. i never get better becausei'm never given the chance. but i could be good. you know, i mean,i know i could be good. but it's not my faultyou get picked last. yes, it is.
i mean, you've gotall the power. you could changeeverything. and how would i do that? simple. let me pick the teams. hey, lindsay... i can't take it anymore. you gotta talk to kim. why? does shewanna talk to me?
i don't know, but you gottado something. she's driving me nuts. she's bitching nonstopabout her mom, you, your parents. i'm dying. why is she goingso crazy? she says you didn'tstick up for her. i tried.
she's still mad. i know, but mostlyjust her feelings are hurt. oh, really? hmm. thought kim wastoo tough to haveher feelings hurt. yeah, right. kim? she's like the rawest nervethere is. yeah. she's likea body without skin. she's like a bloody--
ok! i get it. can you do it soon? 'cause she's reallybeing a pain in my ass. yeah, ok. great. i owe you my life. thanks. all right! haverchuck h ere isone of our captains today.
shouldn'tthe team captain tually know howto play baseball? don't question me,people, ok? who's the other captain? gordon crisp. gordon crisp it is. come on. ok. who should ipick first? i need a power hitterwho can hustle in the field,
with a strong arm. gimme weir. come on, weir. yes! ha ha ha! ha ha ha! gimme lewis. um... now, we need a little speedaround the base pads. uh, schweiber.come on, schweiber.
yes! yeah! yeah, yeah! oh, man, the geeks haveinherited the earth. today we are going tocontinue our discussionofon the road. ms. proetzel's commentslast time aboutpioneer symbolism were particularlyinteresting. . kelly, i am surethat you have someoriginal insights. tell me, what,in your opinion,
is the themeofon the road? the theme...ofon the road is... the theme's about... the theme is... america and... being... on the road.
on the roadis aboutbeing on the road. [laughter]that's good. that's good. you...go on. i hated the book,all right? i have no ideawhat it's about, and the writer was clearlyon drugs when he wrote it. i mean, it went onand on and on, like it was writtenin a total hurry.
if i handed insomething like this, there's no way i'd geta good grade on it. i mean, it's boring,and it's unorganized, and i only read30 pages of it anyway. well, that waspassionate, albeit entirelymisinformed. who dares followmiss kelly'slucid analysis, hmm? well, i think kim's right. kerouac was highon benzedrine
during the 3 weeks he tookto writeon the road. the structure of the storyisn't strong, and his experiments withprose style are tedious. in fact, truman capote saidabouton the road, "that isn't writing.it's typing." pearls before swine. what the helldoes that mean? [laughter] hey, man, sure had a lot of funwith your wife last night.
my what? ball 4. take your base. i mean,a lot of fun! what's the matter with you?are you hurt? um...time! all right, time out! what? i told youi couldn't pitch. it's not aboutyour pitching, sam. then what are youdoing out here?
i just always wanted to calla meeting on the mound. this is so cool. meetingon the mound? very cool. listen, bill,i've got nothing left. why don't you just letone of those jocks pitch? what are youtalking about? this isourgame. we can do this.
i don't want them to thinkthey were right for putting mein deep right fieldfor 11 years. come on! he'sthe butt patter. ugh! [theme from rockyplaying] yeah! ha ha ha! tag up! we did it!we did it!
that's the first out,you morons! huh?oh. well... only 8 2/3 more inningsto go. ha ha! you see that?i looked like willie mays! hey, kim, kim. can i talk to youfor a minute? what do you want?
what are you doingright now? nothing. do you wannacome over my house? i thoughtwe could hang out. well, what aboutyour parents? what about them? daniel,i'll see you later. i'm gonna go overto lindsay's. ok. later.
god, this is good. another dayof hanging outwith him, with him, and i'dpuke my guts out. swear to god. jean, is the grocery storeout of normal food? is that the problem? this is normal food. no. normal food ispot roast.
normal food is meat loaf. it is dead animal,and it is not on fire. no! no! no, no! maybe some of us are upfor something a littledifferent around here. don't you wannalive life, harold? or maybe you'vejust turned intoa mean old man. [sobbing] don't you run away from me! what's wrong with us,harold?
what's happened to us? we need change,don't we? thingsneed to change. i don't want usto just be robots. we are not robots, and things do notneed to change. i like how things are. i like eatingthe same things. and you know why?
because those arethe thgs i like. i like chicken,and i like pot roast. and that's how i feelabout you, jean. oh, please. you like me like youlike a pot roast? i love pot roast! god, you justdon't get it, do you?! i give up! i quit! is that right?
yes! you don'tappreciate me. maybe i'll go backto school. what about that? you thinki don't appreciate you? well, i do. everything i do,i do to serve you. i think of you when i'm... stocking fishing poles,and... i think of you when i'manswering questions aboutcross-country ski wax.
my whole lifeis about serving you. and i love you, jean. mom, dad, we're home. is this what's for dinner? ugh. mom? mom? dad? jean: ha ha ha!harold: grr! grr! eww!
oh, go d.let's get outta here. neal! those are my parents! ok, ok. god, you're gross. hey, linds... i know what you'retrying to do, but, you know,we don't haveto do this.
i want to. all right, but if theycall the cops on me, i'm outta here. neal: hey, lindsay. i was catcherin gym class today. that's great, neal. where's mom and dad? in their room. yeah, they'vebeen in therefor over an hour.
are they fighting? oh! hi, sweetie! hi, mom. uh, i think we're gonnaorder food in tonight, so maybe you could calla pizza place and have them deliver. harold: jean! hey, dad... kim's here.
she gave mea ride homefrom school. hi, mr. weir. nice to see you, kim. thanks for givinglindsay a ride home. jean, could i havea word with you, please? yeah. your fatherand i are gonnabe in our room, so let us know whenthe food gets here. you kids play nicenow, you hear? captioning made possible bydreamworks television, l.l.c.
oh, my god. lindsay... your parents are swingers. captioned by the nationalcaptioning institute--www.ncicap.org-- www.tvsubtitles.net
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