Monday, February 13, 2017

wear wedding ring

wear wedding ring

- you may now kiss the bride. - just uh, just gonna do one of those. hi, i'm zach and i'm single as fuck. - zach, don't fall in love with me. hi, i'm ashly, i'm gonnamarry zach for a week. which is probably a huge mistake. - it's gonna be great! - thank you. - you're welcome.

- honestly, a lot of thetime, i love being single. i really do. - i do whatever i want, whenever i want. i'm an independent woman. - i've never had to plan mylife around another person. i'm not good at lettingpeople into my life. - committing to another personfor the rest of your life is a crazy, crazy... - you said that, and myheartbeat just went up.

(gasps) - i want to be in relationships, i do. - at some point, i want to share my life with someone, and the logistics of that seem a little frightening. - this is like, immersion therapy. - are you gonna carryme over the threshold? - [zach] no, you carry me. - why do you have so much shit?

- because we're gonnabe together for a week. - four texts a day, fivemeals over the course of a week, two nice things that are completely unplanned. - each? - each. - let's just do one. - where do i put my stuff? - oh my god, i didn'teven think about this.

i guess i'll have to move my kimono. so i think, at somepoint, i'm just going to want him to shut up. - really, i'm making your bed? - it's our bed. and i know he is definitely gonna want me to shut up. the only cd that i havein my car is taylor swift and then i spotify...- she's almost a year old now.

- it doesn't matter, it's the best cd. - like most married couples, it's gonna be completely sexless. (laughs) would you say that's accurate? - no. - how do you sleep? - i sleep in fetal position, like a little baby.- so do i.

- you have to be comfortablearound the other person. - broccoli makes you fart. i assume it's gonna teachme a lot about myself. best part about being married so far? ashley has got citrus mimosa shampoo. i smell like a damn tree. definitely gonna teachme a lot about ashley. - ooh, wonder woman pajamas. we should probably get some alcohol.

maybe we'll want popsicles. look how cool those tank is. - [zach] ashly, ashly, eye on the prize. it's been similar so far to friendship, but it's just longer. - yeah. this is a long, long friendship. - and with retainer. - don't fall in love with me.

- stop saying that. - zach. for me, the hardest thing to conceptualize is like, your freedom is just gone. - ashly told me she wants a divorce. - i do. zach was stressing me out so much. stop filming me. - [zach] we need to talk this out.

- we're not kardashians! - even in the second day of marriage, we started resenting how much time we were spending together,and that's not good. okay, i'll have youknow, that adam asked me to get dinner, and i saidno, i'm gonna order dinner for my wife. - there have gotta be moments where you have panic about like, "oh my god,

"i just signed up forthe rest of my life." - have we made up from our fight yet? - yep, cuz i got a funny snapchat of you. - my hair looks stupid. - your hair was silly. you definitely need time where you're just not even engaging with the other person and it's not rude. - i hate planning dates.

oh, it's such a nightmare. it just stresses me out. - hi. - hey pumpkin, we're gonna be late for our double dinner date with the fulmers. - another thing is hangingout with your couples friends. so you're gonna go on a date night. - with you and ariel?- gonna go on a double date with me and ariel.

it's great! - we brought wine. - white wine. - we're late, but zachfound a great parking spot. - hello! - the kornrezzes are here! - we don't have anypictures of us making out in our house. - [zach] we don't have anypictures of us in general.

- [ashly] this is so adult. date night with thefulmers made me realize why people get married. - we are pounding meat for our wives, pounding meat. - for our wives! - date night with thefulmers was the shit. they made a really delicious dinner which i'm not accustomedto anyone cooking for me.

like, what a delight.- [ashly] yeah. - a friend cooked for me. how delightful is that? - there really is a momentin every adult's life where you're like, justtired of being single. would you get bored of thisif this was your whole life? - i don't know, i don't think so. - that was wonderful,shall we go home now? - tomorrow has some prasu...

tomorrow has some surprises in store for you, ashly. - [ashly] are you drunk? - uh, drunk on love. drunk on marriage. i realized i've neverplanned a romantic date for anyone. i hate planning dates. today is like a day of niceties

and surprises. - zach had so many surprises for me. it was fucking crazy. - having a special day that's like, "this is our datenight", it encourages you to think outside the box. - it feels weird cuz it's like,not my birthday or anything. it's just my marriage. - ashly loves theme parks and it's been

hot as balls out, solater today, we're going to a water park. i got one more thingbefore the water park. - oh!- a wedding photo of us. - this is so cheesy. i do love word art. right in front of taylor. - [zach] now we're a family. - i'm gonna keep thatforever, that's hilarious.

(shouting and cheering) - oh, here we go! oh, my butt is dragging! oh no, i'm backwards! - woo! thank you, ashly. - [zach] married couplesprobably don't go to water parks unless they have kids,but that's the kind of married couple we would be.

- that was so fun. - that was a good test,cuz it was a test of can ashly and i just spenda ton of time together and not go crazy- [ashly] kill each other. - [zach] wanting to kill each other? and we succeeded. we both said, as soon as we got home, "i had a fun day. "i don't wanna be with you any more."

so we're just gonna sit next to each other and try and be alone in the same room. ("senorita" by justin timberlake) - final night of marriage. - last night of marriage,we're going to my favorite pho place. - fo? - pho. - [zach] monday was our final day.

it was kinda bittersweet. - and the weird thing was,last night it felt so normal. i forgot for a second thati wasn't actually married. - i got mostly fruit, so it's healthy. - you didn't get evena little bit of fruit. it's nice to have someone who's always on your team. and marriage really is teamwork. wow.

i think this is all married people do. - just watch tv in bed and drink wine. - watch tv and drink white wine. - now that it's over, i'm like, kinda sad. you ready? - divorce on three. - [both] one, two, three, divorce! - oh no. marriage is fuckin' hard, y'all.

- you really can't put yourself first. - and that is like (blows) what? it's scary, to open yourselfto another human being but it can also be really rewarding. and i see that now. i wanna get married someday. do you? - yeah, totally. - but not to each other.

- definitely not to each other. - maybe a little, but not really. - don't fall in love with me, ashly. - that's my line. we called each otherpumpkin throughout the week. - i heard someone else call ashly pumpkin, and i got furious. i was like, "back the fuck off. "that's my pumpkin."

- sexual intimacy is a bigpart of any relationship. - different video. - [ned] okay.

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